About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Wednesday, 13 October 2010


I should be working, but I'm not in the mood, so as I promised you more entries, here you go!
So what's new? I'm still here, and that's a start...
The cliff edge is still looming some days, but as predicted, my lovely therapist helped put some perspective on the situation.
It's funny; I already know everything she tells me, about mindfulness and keeping control of negative thoughts, but somehow it gets lost in the fog when things seem bad, or when I haven't seen her for a while.
That's why my next move will be to text her and arrange our next appointment, probably our last before we are a family of four.
Since I saw her I have been reining myself in a bit, but I admit it's been tough. Sometimes it's easier just to give in to the waves of disaster as they roll in.
Take the latest update - about three weeks ago I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. It's not a disaster at all; I feel fine, it's quite common, it can be controlled/treated and we are well along that road now, but my first thought was that this was yet another problem that showed it was a mistake to try to extend our family.
We'd already had a scare with an early scan that showed a possible problem - it turned out to be fine - but of course I interpreted it as a asign from the universe that we should have stuck with Miss T. And that's before I even consider the impact a new arrival is going to have on her!
But at the moment, I'm not going down that road. I'm concentrating on the lovely sibling relationships I've seen lately and the fact that even if the worst happens and the blackness descends, there are plenty of hands waiting to pull me out.
So for the moment, despite things not going to plan, I'm feeling positive. Fingers crossed that continues!