About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Saturday, 21 February 2009

A treat for you all!

Some of you have complained this blog is a little text heavy.
Indeed it is.
So here is another pic of Miss T for you to admire - and one you don't have to crane your head to see!
Apologies again for the lack of update - the reasons in the last post still stand.
But as a special treat I'm sharing something here I was doing anyway.
It's one of those Facebook lists - sorry if, like my brother in law, you find them the most annoying thing ever.
Personally, I find most of them very revealing for a variety of reasons. The things people choose to share, the things they don't, the subjects they touch on.
So for what it's worth, here's mine. Some of them you'll already know, some of them you won't. Feel free to add your own, Facebook stylee!
25 random things about me
1) I'm addicted to spider solitaire and can play it for hours at a time, much to the annoyance of my husband. I like to play till I win, and that can take some time!
2) I'm also addicted to reading other people's blogs - friends of friends, random people I don't know.
3) I have a therapist and I think everyone would benefit from seeing one at least once.
4) I want to save the world. Not in any grand environmental way, I'm afraid, but on a personal level - I hate for people to be unhappy and always want to get involved in their problems, even if they don't want me to.
5) I'm not very good at accepting that you can only help those who want to be helped!
6) I'm terrible at keeping secrets. Not the big important ones, so don't worry if you've told me something, but things like surprise presents or good news.
7) I have practically no secrets of my own. In fact, I make a point of telling any new friends I get close to all my deepest darkest secrets. I figure that if they're not freaked out by what they hear then they're worth having as friends.
8) I hate when people hint at secrets or problems - like I just did, I guess!
9) I've always wanted to write, from as young as I can remember. In fact, one of my earliest memories is having a story on the story tree at infant school.
10) I thought I would be a poet or write books (in fact, I wrote one when I was about 13 but you wouldn't have wanted to read it!) until I did a week's work experience on a local newspaper when I was 15 and realised how much fun it was.
11) After weeks and months more work experience with that same paper, and others, I got my first paid job there straight out of university and was delighted to find it was still as much fun as I remembered. I never had that Monday morning feeling and would have done my job for nothing.
12) I thought I would be heartbroken to leave that job but actually it wasn't as bad as I feared. I guess the nice fat redundancy cheque helped a bit!
13) It is only in the last month or so that I have considered myself fully recovered from post natal depression, and my little girl is two and a bit. But I still have my therapist, even if it is only for reviews and as back up!
14) The thought of getting PND again terrifies me so much I'm still not sure if I will ever have another baby. I want another child, but not another baby.
15) I'm also terrified of having a boy!
16) I'd rather Miss T grew up to be kind and polite and gentle and loving than passed loads of exams and I think those qualities could get her further in life as well.
17) I failed my grade one piano exam and the experience traumatised me so much I never took another music exam.
18) I also failed my driving test twice but have passed every other test or exam I've ever taken after learning from an early age that being top of the class was the only place acceptable to my parents.
19) I had two honeymoons. Only one wedding though!
20) I was so anal about organising my wedding that the manager of the venue offered me a job as his wedding planner. I turned it down because I loved my job as a reporter but wish I'd taken him up on it...lists and folders galore!
21) I always preferred cats to dogs until I met my husband. When I was little I had a cat who was like a best friend to me and I told her everything. But he introduced me to dog ownership and they are much easier to train! If I tell them to go and lie down they will, but my cats will continue to bug me until I stroke them...
22) I was genuinely distressed when Miss T told me her granny's cat didn't like her and am now dreading her school days with best friends becoming ex-friends and all the bitchiness she will experience.
23) I still vividly remember the emotions from my school days, and most of them are not pleasant.
24) Apart from writing jobs, I've worked in a supermarket, playgroup and pubs and think everyone should work behind a bar. It's a great way to increase your confidence...oh, and find a husband!
25) I'm writing a book. See - that was supposed to be a secret but now it's out there! It will take me years to finish it though as paid work keeps getting in the way!

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Just an update...

It's been a while, and apologies for that. The simple fact is that my time on the computer is limited to when Miss T is asleep, or out (not by herself, obviously!), and as there are people paying me to do stuff that involves using it, that has to be the priority.
So where was I?
Ah yes - positive thinking! Well, it's still in place, which I find surprising. I was just thinking back over the last few weeks, working out what to write, and actually, we've had some really good times.
Of course, we've had some frustrating, tear-your-hair-out-count-to-50-and-put-the-kettle-on moments too, but what parent of a two-year-old doesn't?
I'm still enjoying the time I get to spend with Miss T, and almost feel a bit resentful that I have paid work to do which means we have to be apart.
Almost! Actually, I also really enjoy the time to work and to focus on new things, many of which are so different and challenging and exciting. Of course, there's still the transcription job from hell in the background but even that is progressing!
I know that part of the reason for my renewed enjoyment of parenthood is the changes in Miss T herself - we have some great conversations, and she is growing in independence by the day. That is not always a positive thing, especially not when it comes to getting dressed or attempting to do something with her hair, but it does mean she can amuse herself and play with her toys for a good 20 minutes or so, giving me a bit extra space in the day.
It does make me think though - maybe I'm just not a baby person? I've always enjoyed my goddaughters more the older they have got.
Oops - I'm starting to ramble now, and this was supposed to be a quick post!
Those of you who remember my long-winded debate about whether or not I needed to see my lovely therapist again may be interested to know she got in touch to say she could not remember if we had agreed to have a review about now. So continuing with my new 'going with the flow' thinking, I've arranged one. At the risk of sounding all mumbojumboistic again, I can't help feeling there was a reason she got in touch (beyond wondering if we were supposed to have a review!) and it would be churlish of me to ignore it.
But maybe I'm just mad!