About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Terrible twos - or two's company?

So as I mentioned, Miss T has reached that milestone of her second birthday.
And so have we, relatively unscathed. At the moment, at least...
And as well as a turning point in her life, the seemingly random date of December 24, 2008, was earmarked as the time to discuss the next steps in our lives.
Namely, the question of more children.
Life being what it is, we haven't actually had that conversation yet but we both know it's waiting to be had.
So in a bid to be more prepared I thought I would attempt to sort out some of my thoughts - I'm always up for a challenge...
I've said before that we've always seen ourselves as a family of four. And that doesn't include any furry additions!
So the next step for us would of course be another baby.
But is our blueprint for our lives a good enough reason for such an upheaval?
Why do people have more children? Would it be for Miss T, for us, or something else? And is it fair to her, or us?
Some of my friends who are on their second are coming out of those early months of chaos and seem to be reaping the benefits - their children can entertain each other and provide company for each other.
But trips out for coffee and cake are becoming more of a rarity!
It is perhaps testimony to how well they have managed that I have been able to think about having my fantastic contraceptive implant removed without breaking into a cold sweat. But of course that isn't the same as thinking about being the parent of two...
And I can see that my work situation at the moment, which is leaning towards the freelance/self-employed route, is very flexible and so perhaps ideal for adding to our family.
But at the same time the thought of the reality of another baby is frankly terrifying.
If I am completely honest, I am not sure our relationship would survive another bout of PND with the added pressure of a pre-schooler to look after. Or that I would.
Of course, there is no guarantee that it would all happen again. And of course there would be a support network in place already.
So is it fair to deprive Miss t of a sibling, and Mark of another child because I'm scared of something that may not even happen?
I don't know yet. I'll let you know if I work it out!


Sarah Jane said...

Yes, it is.
For a start, you would not be depriving anyone of a sibling or child. You would simply be saying now is the not the right time. And if you're not ready - you feel terrified at the thought of having another child - then now most definitely is not the time.
Children are not one of life's essentials, like cake and high heels. They are a blessing, and they are also a huge responsibility. They should not be brought purposely into the world unless both parents involved are 100 per cent happy. Your health is also a blessing, and the most important thing you have. Don't risk it. That's not something you should ever do for anyone, or which anyone should ever expect you to do. If it does turn out badly, there'll be an awful lot of unhappiness for an awful lot of people.

me-again said...

hear, hear - there's no way I could have put it as well as Sarah Jane has, but absolute agreement from here.

And a Happy New Year to all.

(amused that the captcha I've got this time is tormog!)

Jenni said...

Well, for what it is worth (and you'll have to excuse my tardiness - as usual - as I am just catching up with your blog) the decision to have another child is terrifying. Full stop. We too, always thought we would be a family of four, and, although I have enjoyed every minute with Sam, I don't feel any compulsion to ever do it again. For me the fear lies in pregnancy and the risks that come with it, and I don't feel ready (and am not sure I ever will) to put myself and my family through that again... I do sometimes wonder about Sammy not having a sibling - but then I look at the other side and think he will benefit from all of our love, attention and, on the practical side, cash! I'm not saying never - I'm just saying not unless it suddenly become something I really WANT to do.... which it may, for both of us,in time.... don't sweat it Liz - it's not a decision that has to be made today or tomorrow, and, if you never do feel ready, then the decision will have been made by default....