About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Friday, 21 November 2008

From bad to worse!

Oh lucky people - two helpings of woe in one day!
So I left you pondering the joys of my day up until mid-afternoon, when Miss T finally decided to have her sleep.
And it should have got better from there as reinforcements arrived and I had a peaceful evening to myself to look forward to.
But it didn't. Reinforcements, in the form of a visit to granny and then Mark coming home, did indeed arrive and it was lovely having someone else share the demands, although I did feel that old pressure of needing to look like a perfect parent while feeling on the verge of falling apart the whole time.
I escaped to the shops leaving Mark to do dinner and bed but even that precious me-time was interrupted with a text about a mundane domestic matter. How sad is it that me-time is reduced to wandering round Sainsbury's?!
And bedtime was a complete disaster as the little princess manipulated her daddy as only she can, resulting in a battle lasting more than an hour between them, punctuated with some fantastic tantrums and toddler foot-stamping on her wooden bedroom floor.
I hate interfering when he's dealing with a situation, but I'm afraid it was clear he wasn't dealing with it, and what's worse, was getting stressed out which helps no one (look who's talking!) so I went up and took over. Part of me is pleased to report that after ten minutes and only one return visit she's now happily asleep - and fell asleep by herself - but another part simply feels weary.
I can feel proud I know her so well and can handle her well, but also disheartened that it feels like I am permanently on duty with no respite. This isn't meant as a criticism of Mark, who is fantastic with her, but just a statement that even my precious time off while he puts her to bed seems to be a thing of the past.
I know that sounds selfish, and of course for Tasha it's best that her bedtime is as stress-free as possible, so if that means I do it then so be it. But I'm sure many of you will understand that after a day dealing with everything from negotiations over when she can walk and when she has to go in the pushchair to explanations of why she should not throw balls at the cats, I feel in need of a break.
It is selfish - after all, she's asleep now so I'm getting a break. So I'm going to stop moaning and enjoy it!
But I am left wondering, and almost afraid to write it, when does PND become common and garden depression? Or was today just a bad day? Here's hoping for the latter...

1 comment:

Zoe C said...

For most of this I refer to my comments to your "more thoughts, some of the positive" post as it was cover to all of this too (posted comments having read all of them!), but I really wanted to add that I would like to say that a lot of this feels like just a bad day. If not, then I have issues too. I feel there are always days liek this, sometimes they build up with little things niggling and other days I just wake up and know it will be a less easy day than normal.

I would just add a couple of things. The first is what is a perfect parent. Who do you know how doesn't have a personality trait that you find harder to deal with or some issues that have yet to work out, are all of these down to our parents? No one parent can be perfect, that is why there are on there are parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends that we expose our kids too. Each brings there own things to the party. The perfect parent is like the perfect friend ... they don't exist in one inidividual, we make them up from everyone we surround ourselves with, someone for each situation in our lives.

The other point, is how on earth did you get reception in Sainsburys? (and yes it is terrible that is where me time comes from - but it is where I get some of mine from too, I really widh they had a better coffee shop so I could enjoy it more with a lovely coffee)

Hmmm, two comments in one night, I am off for a lie down now.