Negativity

...but not mine!
Since adapting my new, fluffy, mindset, partly due to changes in my circumstances and partly due to real recovery from PND hell being in sight, I have no time for negativity.
Of course sometimes I have days which are difficult, but in general I like to think I am a more positive person.
And that makes me rather intolerant of negative people. Not unsympathetic to those who are in genuine need, as I think I have mentioned before, but impatient with those who seem determined to see the worst in others and dwell on nastiness.
That's what prompted me to do this blog post, less than a week after the last one, you lucky people. I've been witness to some real bitterness lately, from people who would do better to just let things go and move on.
And I've also seen people who seem determined to try to poke fun at other's misfortune, and in some cases, tragedy.
Of course, I could ignore this, and generally I do - it's easy just to delete an email or Facebook message, and to click away from people who have so little faith in themselves they make others look small thinking it makes them look big.
But today I just wanted to get this out here, to avoid it erupting somewhere else and creating negativity in my life.
So now I have. I don't feel much better, but I will continue to maintain my pink and fluffy air and remember that those who indulge in such bitchiness say more about themselves than the target of their venom.

Updated update

It seems there is some unrest among some of my most loyal readers about the lack of updates here, despite my carefully crafted explanations about limited computer time and pressures of work.
So to satisfy those grumblers, here is an update.
And it's a strange one. I started writing this thinking there was hardly any point because everything was rosy and I had no news to report, but I'm not sure that's entirely true.
Work is busy, which is fantastic, but I don't seem to be making much money from it, which is less so.
I've applied for yet another job, but I'm really not sure I want it because it would mean a return to the office politics that I was so pleased to get out of, but equally it would be a fantastic opportunity and an exciting challenge, if I can get past the politics!
There has been more doom and gloom from my previous employer, which makes me feel vindicated in my decision to get out when I did but sad for my former colleagues.
And more of my former colleagues who left with me have found other employment, which brings up those old feelings of jealousy and bitterness. I know I'm lucky to be doing what I'm doing, and it is exciting and fun, but it's also a real hard slog. And a bit lonely in the office! And there is no one else to share the load with, to call a favour in with, or to field the phones for a bit.
Outside of work (not sure that's actually possible these days - everything is work!), Miss T and I are doing okay. As long as I get time to work - there it is again! - I can enjoy my time with her, but I have so much to do that if it doesn't go to plan, eg she won't sleep when I need her to or I haven't got childcare arrangements sorted for the week, I find myself easily stressed out.
I've also noticed a change in me that I'm not particularly happy about, although others may disagree.
I've always been proud to say I'm a good friend, and I'm always there for people. But lately, I'm not. I just can't keep myself going and be strong for everyone else. I'm painfully aware that my new positive outlook is fragile, to say the least, and I fear that too much negativity will cause it to shatter around me.
Maybe that's irrational. Maybe it's not a bad thing, because it's forcing me to think about my own needs instead of distracting myself with others. But I can't help feeling I'm letting people down.
If I see, for example, a Facebook post that screams "I need someone to talk to", although it may not actually say that in so many words, I find it very hard not to respond with the offer of a coffee.
Of course, they have many other friends who could make that same offer, and probably do, but it's a role I have traditionally cast myself in and if I'm not the supportive, listening ear, then who am I?
Well there's a deep question for you all - and it's late and I'm tired and I have not one, not two, but three meetings tomorrow, starting at 7am, so I'll leave you all to ponder it.

Negativity

Don't worry - not mine! I am still floating around in a fluffy cloud of positive affirmations and happy thoughts...mostly.
But maybe because that is my default state of mind at the moment...mostly...I find it really hard to deal with other people's negativity. I just don't understand it. Maybe negativity is the wrong word - I more than most can understand a black mood or a bad day.
But I can't understand general nastiness, bitchiness or unpleasantness. It doesn't fit in my fluffy world. I'm a great believer in the advice that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything. Especially if it's not constructive. And some of the things I have experienced lately have been the opposite of constructive!
I'm getting round it at the moment by telling myself it reveals more about the person being destructive and negative than it does about their subject, especially when it's me, and I can rise above it all.
Luckily, due to some great friends and some hard-earned respect professionally which is standing me in good stead, this is proving possible so far. Fingers crossed it continues, or those behind it get bored or move on and find positive ways to channel their energy.
In other news, Miss T is becoming more strong-minded every day. Yesterday we had to use the naughty step three times before 9am - a new record and not one to be proud of. But the bedtime battles seem to have been won and we are having lots of fun...mostly.
In terms of gainful employment, well, I'm still trying. I'm determined to see things as challenges rather than setbacks, and in general this is an exciting and interesting time. Negativity aside. Who knows what will happen? Not me...but that's okay.