About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Sunday, 29 March 2009


I'm learning some interesting lessons lately.
Of course, the first is that life is too short. And precious. Miss T has been poorly and although it was highly unpleasant, as winter vomiting virus usually is, it was never really serious.
But that didn't stop Mark and I worrying, and checking on her more than we needed to. I've learnt it can all end so suddenly, and I don't think that knowledge will ever really go.
I've also learnt that sometimes I don't want what I think I do. I'm sure that makes no sense, and I apologise - despite my best efforts at disinfecting etc Miss T seems to have shared her germs with me so I'm not on top form. But am I ever?
Anyway, that last lesson is job related. I missed out on a job that I thought was mine, and that I thought I desperately wanted. But after a wise friend questioned whether I did actually want it, I realised I probably didn't. I wanted it because it was a job, and because of all that represents, eg a regular income etc, and because it seemed it was so nearly within my reach.
But the job itself wasn't ideal, with hardly any opportunity for writing, and with colleagues who I know would have ended up making the position a nightmare.
So I can now accept it wasn't meant to be, and keep looking for something that is. Whatever that may be.
I've learnt that I still want to rescue people, and I can't bear people feeling sad or stressed, but I'm learning that I can't always fix it. Sometimes people have to help themselves first. And all I can do is be there to offer support, not to put the pieces back together for them.
I'm learning to say no as well, but that lesson could take a while!

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