About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Monday, 18 August 2008

A new day, a new challenge.

Today I learnt that another of my baby friends is leaving the single child life behind and will soon be a mother of two.
And while I'm pleased for her I'm sad for me.
I know what I said yesterday - hell, I only managed to post it about five minutes ago! - and that's all still true but it doesn't help the way I feel.
I feel left behind.
I feel like the great train of life is chugging along and I'm stuck on a platform somewhere.
I feel jealous that pretty much everyone else is managing to live their life the way they planned.
I feel guilty that Tash is missing out on a sibling when everyone else is getting one.
I feel bad for Mark who I know would have another baby tomorrow if I just gave the go ahead (and the biological stuff didn't take a little longer!)
But hey! I'm doing great. I'm off medication, out of therapy and surviving.
And even though Mark kindly pointed out to me that as of yesterday I'm closer to 30 than I am 29 we still have plenty of time for more children.
And maybe when we have our second everyone else will be on their third and we can still go through it all together.
And I managed to get through today with no tearful moments!


me-again said...

"everyone else is managing to live their life the way they planned."

Or are they pretending that where they're at is where they planned to be at ("of course" Ha!). Who? Me? Slightly cynical about Grand Plans And Such? On another sentence, I know lots of perfectly well-adjusted only children so if Tasha ends up being one then great - just differently great from having siblings! You're on your own train. Who says we all have to be on the same one - blimey-o-reilly, it'd be a right case (or do I mean tin) of sardines! Me, I'd certainly hate to be on the same train as some people I know :-)

Yay! for no tearful moments and surviving!

Liz said...

See - this is why I love this blog! I never think of these things until someone else points them out. And indeed, as usual, you are right - at least one of the aforementioned multiply-producing baby friends is not experiencing the life she planned even three years ago. I guess the important thing is accepting where life takes you...hmm, more to work on!