About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Monday, 25 August 2008

Return of the wobbles!

Quick update - tearful moments 2, friends squeezed in - 3

It all started so well on Friday! But it didn't take long to go wrong....
There were too many niggling little moments to list - you'd all be reaching for the happy pills before I got half way through!
The important thing is that I managed to survive them and actually I've realised something important as well.
It's easy to get annoyed with Tasha when she's moaning and whining about something - but it's more effective to distract her with something fun to do.
It's easy to feel sorry for myself when I am stuck at home with a slightly off-colour toddler - but it's better to devise a treat for me for when it's over (preferably one that doesn't involve chocolate biscuits!).
I love seeing my friends with Tasha and watching her enjoy playing with their children, but I also need some time away from her. And that doesn't mean when she's in bed, like now, and I've spent an hour frantically clearing up and cleaning and doing mountains more washing as well as preparing lunch.
It means time away from the house. Pre-Tash I didn't exactly live in a social whirl but I did go for drinks after work sometimes, or drop in to see friends, or go out for a meal with Mark.
And I also had time to go for leisurely walks with the dogs without trying to keep an eye on a lively toddler who refuses to stay in her pushchair, and to go to pilates/swimming/the gym (rarely, I admit, but that's not the point!).
Now those things are practically non-existent. And actually, that's mostly my fault. I've been so obsessed with being a perfect parent that I've felt it would be wrong to go out and have fun without Tash.
I do love having fun with her, and I genuinely would not want to leave her for a whole weekend or anything like that, but I would like an afternoon to myself. Or a morning - I'm not fussy! I don't even have to go out, if she does - there are loads of things I would like to do at home that I can't when she's here, even if she's asleep - like sorting out the photos and hanging them upstairs.
So rather than spending this time reliving the problems of the last few days I'm spending it making a promise to myself - and you can all be witnesses - that I will do something just for me in the next week. It will be a challenge as Mark's on lates, but surely that's what grandparents are for?!
I'll let you know how I get on. And thanks for all the comments - it's lovely to know someone is actually reading this and taking the time to get in touch.


me-again said...

That sounds really positive. 'Perfect' versus 'good enough' is something I've heard other parents mutter darkly about. And really and truly methinks 'good enough' is actually the best 'cause it's more real-life, and even that varies 'cause people vary! If that makes sense .

And yes, indeed, 'you time' is incredibly important! As you say, it can even be a relatively short time - just time to do something you want to do in the way you want to do it in the time you want to do it with no-one at all around. Fingers crossed you get it and looking forward to the update.

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

Oh, yeah, time out and away and having a life of my own is what keeps me sane and happy and interesting (and a much better mom, frankly). I start getting depressed again if I don't some really good time with friends or doing something on my own that I love. Hope you find something fantastic! (Oh, and my husband have had two overnight dates now and those have SERIOUSLY helped our marriage. There's just something about have a little taste of that pre-baby life and relationship that is so important!)