About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Sunday, 22 June 2008

too ambitious?

so puppies and kittens have teeth and claws.
Or alternatively, you can be as fluffy and positive as you like but sometimes things go wrong anyway.
i had a stark lesson in that today.
We've got a guest dog staying with us for a week who's a lot younger than ours and consequently more active. And Mark's on earlies.
I promise this is all relevant....
Anyway, to avoid waking Tash up at a ridiculous hour to try and walk them before i go to work, we decided it would be easier to do them before mark leaves - ie at 4am, as he leaves at 5. So we'll be taking it in turns on the early shift till thursday when i don't have to go to work so all returns to normal.
So anyway, again, i went to bed early in preparation and then had the most terrifying dream/hallucination/mental experience.
I didn't know where I lived - i thought we were living in a house in london and this one was empty, and then i was worried about the cats, and then i thought it could be a solution to my sister's accommodation issues, then i thought there were people in the house (wherever it was), and i felt like i was underwater and every so often could poke my head up and scream but no one heard or could understand.
Then i thought the men in white coats were already coming and i was desperately trying to communicate with them, and the other people who i was sure were also around, but no one could understand and no sound came out.
In my head I was screaming but nothing was coming out. I could see the room, i could hear things (and things that weren't there) but i couldn't move or talk or anything.
Eventually, after what felt like all night, but couldn't have been more than 20 mins, i made a supreme effort to come downstairs, where i completely fell to pieces on poor mark who was trying to watch some football match....
An hour of hysterics later and the men in white coats are not coming, but I have been ordered back onto a low dose of the dreaded medication.
Especially after finding this on several sites...not least here: http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Seroxatwithdrawalinformation.htm

"Withdrawal symptoms include: dizziness, sensory disturbance (such as pins and needles), anxiety, sleep disturbances (including intense dreams), agitation, tremor, nausea, headache, sweating and confusion, numbness, tingling and sensations that resemble having electric shocks."

At the moment I'm still actually terrified, and was on the brink of ordering mark to take tomorrow off so i wouldn't be left alone with tash, but will see what the rest of the night brings...

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