About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Wednesday, 9 July 2008

Good women

You may be relieved to know I have calmed down since earlier, despite getting drowned in the rain on another brilliant day of my week off...
And for a total change of direction - and perhaps a return to the spirit of this blog - I thought I would share this with you.
Before you all start gagging and reaching for the cheese slicer, this one is not as bad as many and it touched a nerve with me....

A good woman is proud of herself. She respects herself and others. She is aware of who she is. She neither seeks definition from the person she is with, or does she expect them to read her mind. She is quite capable of articulating her needs.
A good woman is hopeful. She is strong enough to make all her dreams come true. She knows love, therefore she gives love. She recognizes that her love has great value and must be reciprocated. If her love is taken for granted, it soon disappears.
A good woman has a dash of inspiration, a dabble of endurance. She knows that she will, at times, have to inspire others to reach the potential God gave them. A good woman knows her past, understands her present and moves toward the future.
A good woman knows God. She knows that with God the world is her playground, but without God she will just be played. A good woman does not live in fear of the future because of her past. Instead, she understands that her life experiences are merely lessons, meant to bring her closer to self knowledge and unconditional self love.

Okay, so the beginning of the last paragraph takes it a bit too far and deserves a whole separate blog post, but the rest of it rings true. Am I proud of myself? In the main, and after a lot of soul-searching, yes. Am I hopeful? Always! I like to think I have inspiration and endurance, and again thanks to some wonderful work by other good women I am coming to know my past, understand my present and move towards that elusive self-love.
But I am guilty of expecting others to read my mind - or to share my opinions when I do articulate them. I can now say that my life experiences, good and bad, are indeed lessons towards self-knowledge, which I am slowly attaining. But self-love? That's a whole other issue. Especially unconditional self-love. I do know people who have almost unconditional self-loathing, and they are some of the kindest and most special people I know, and that makes me sad. I don't loath myself, but there are times when I don't like myself very much. Like when I push and push a point at work until everyone is absolutely sick of it, and me. Or when Tash wakes up and I'm resentful because I feel like I haven't had enough time to myself. Or when I spend a day with a friend and realise when I get home that I've hardly asked about their life at all.
But maybe these are just more life lessons...

In other news, still no rows with top level people at work - or anyone else! And I can't even remember the last time I took a happy pill (yes, I know I could go back on this blog and check but at the moment it feels like weeks and I'd like to keep thinking it is!) so for the moment I consider myself off them for good. Although I have to confess all to my therapist on Saturday (I know I said it was last week but I got confused!) so that all may change...


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