About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Friday, 18 July 2008

Tired and frustrated

That's what Tash was before bedtime tonight and that's how I feel too.
I wanted to blog about how I made it to an aqua aerobics class this morning after three weeks of trying, and about how bizarre it felt to be going into one of the single cubicles to get changed instead of a family one.
I wanted to blog about how I managed to laugh at the fact that Tash was a nightmare at lunch in a cafe today, because my friend's daughter was the same.
Or about how we had fun in the park just letting them run riot and enjoying the cake we ended up getting as a takeaway.
Or I wanted to tackle one of the many things I have been itching to air my views on, from books to babies.

But instead I feel overwhelmed by such a sense of despair that I just can't focus on any of those issues. I wasn't going to blog at all but then I decided it was all better out than in.
Of course there are reasons for this slip backwards to the abyss, but that doesn't always help. I don't particularly want to analyse why I feel like this, I just want to stop.
And more than anything, I want to enjoy my Tash days and I feel so incredibly angry when things like this get in the way. Yesterday was quite disrupted for a variety of reasons so I had planned for today to be extra special and it wasn't.
Maybe that's half the problem, but I'm not very good at just letting go.

On a slightly lighter note, this is my character analysis based on me telling Facebook my birthday. I know it's all rubbish, but doesn't it sound like someone you know?
"A hip non-conformist who truly stands for his/her beliefs - you are out to make a difference in this world, and you have a realistic chance of success. You have always been self-driven and derive your inspiration from those close to you. Ambitious - and why shouldn't you be - the sky is the limit for you!"
It's just a shame that at the moment the sky seems an awful long way off.

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