About Me

Kent, United Kingdom
I have the perfect family but still struggle to find the light in the darkness of post-natal depression.

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

tests and triumphs

A friend of mine is due to take the Edinburgh post natal depression test soon and is worried she might "fail" for being tired and emotional.
That's a whole other issue - I would say you can't fail it, instead you can identify if there is a potential problem and hopefully access support to tackle it.
But it got me thinking and I decided to revisit the test myself - with surprising results. Well, they were surprising to me, anyway.
When I dutifully considered my emotions and mental well-being and ticked the relevant boxes it came out with a score of 14 out of 30. Which doesn't sound too bad at all.
But according to the blurb you get with your score, that means I am quite likely to be depressed.
Apparently between 10 and 12 shows a possibility of depression, and 13 or over is quite likely.
It may be quite obvious to other people that I still have problems, but it was a bit of a blow for me, as I had started to consider myself almost recovered, if that makes sense. Indeed, my next therapy session is scheduled to be my last which is a massive step forwards, and I've shown lately that i can handle difficult situations without having a meltdown moment.
I did redo the test remembering how I felt at the time I first did it for real, and my score was then 26 out of 30, which was about what it was at the time. So I can see progress has been made.
But if I'm feeling positive and I still come out as depressed what do I have to do to be normal?
There's perhaps an interesting comparison there with something I have mentioned before - Britain's Missing Top Model, which had its final last night. In case you missed it, here's some info http://www.bbc.co.uk/missingmodel/ but basically it's about disabled girls vying for a chance to be a mainstream model.
The girl who I - and she - had considered the favourite did not win although I can see why the judges made their choice.
But what did strike me was some of the things she was saying about her experiences during the competition, which included a nude photoshoot featuring her wheelchair, which she uses after a car accident left her paralysed.
Of course I'm not saying that having PND, however severe, is the same as using the lose of your legs and the massive impact that would have on your whole life.
But she said she had finally accepted the wheelchair as part of her instead of trying to battle against it, and no longer felt she wanted it as far away from her as possible when she wasn't using it.
Perhaps I need to do the same with my wonky thinking....life would be a lot easier if I just accepted it was part of me that was going to be there forever. After all, for obvious reasons I did not do the test before I had Tash so there's no real way of telling how unhinged I was before!
Maybe some of you could try and let me know how you get on - remember, it's nothing to be ashamed of!

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